just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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