I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
