Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
