I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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