If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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