remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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