This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
