I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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