What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
