you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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