I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I think people are normalizing furries
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
