You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
