I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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