I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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