So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
