I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
