ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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