i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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