omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
