How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
