Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
