Pants 0. Shit 1.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
BRING THE BAGELS
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
