Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
