Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Oh god it's open bar.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
