Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
