Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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