Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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