we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you have to choose: penises or morals?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
It's shark week go big or go home
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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