The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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