just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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