I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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