thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
