I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
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i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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