Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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