Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
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