So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
