After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
