Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm just crazy horny about you
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
