i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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