I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
