I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
