Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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