I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
cat food counts as protein by the way
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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