i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
