By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
