Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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