can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
There r osticjed everywhere
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
