New low: just hacked my moms facebook
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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