i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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