I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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