I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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