capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
