I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
