I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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