So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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